Decisions

I have felt like my life lately has been at a standstill. I was comfortable where I was, but I knew inside it wasn't the best place for me. I knew that I had not reached a place where I was completely happy. So I took action. I searched for things I might like to pursue, things that would be a challenge, but would bring more joy into my life. 

One of those things was the Teach for America program. It is an extremely prestigious program that accepts approximately 17% of their total applicants each year. Their mission is to eradicate the achievement gap that exists between students coming from low or high income socioeconomic statuses.  After being trained in elementary education I saw first hand the issues that exists in our country's education system and wanted to do something about it. I felt this program might be the best way for me to make a difference. So I applied. I was shocked when I made it past the first and second rounds simultaneously and was asked to attend a final interview. (Another blog post on this might be coming in the future...)

Since I was shocked then you can imagine how flabbergasted I was when I found out I was accepted to teach 6 - 12th grade science in Oklahoma. I couldn't believe they felt like I was among the elite. Among those in our country who have the ability to make a difference in the lives of students who need good teachers the most. I felt so lucky, yet I knew I had a big decision to make. 

Was TFA the right place for me? Was it the good, better or best option for my life? I had to find out. I kept doing research, except now it was more focused. I looked at Oklahoma and what my life might look like if I moved there. I talked to friends and family members. I emailed my brother, Brian, who is currently serving a mission in Moldova. I basically spent the last week and a half thinking about this decision 24/7. It was stressful. It weighted on my mind constantly. 

I found some of the most helpful conversations were ones where people gave me very specific advice. My roommate and her Dad probably gave me the most useful idea. I took to my computer, wrote a very comprehensive Pro and Con list, and looked at my options logically. I then prayed about my decision and felt so confused and conflicted. 

On Monday I received an email from my brother. In the 19+ years we have spent together not once did I ever think he would give me advice. He's the little brother who loves to push my buttons and tease me. But now he's on a mission and the email he sent truly showed just how much of an inspired missionary he has become. He shared a couple quick lines of advice with me and then referred to an article entitled Start Moving.  I cried as I read it because it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. 

I highly suggest reading it! If you don't have time though here is a short summary. It talks about smoke jumpers on a hill who, instead of making a decision when they cannot reach their commander by radio, sit and wait. They wait hours for the signal to improve so they can get their instructions. The signal never improves and when another chief arrives at their location asks why they have not been assisting. The explain they could not get instructions and the chief takes the radio and walks down one path 50 yards and receives a signal loud and clear. He does the same on another path and the same thing happens. The message behind the story is that often in our lives we sit and wait for inspiration on what to do when really we should start moving and then if we are moving down the incorrect path God can reach us, tell us to turn around and try another path. 

This is what I had been conflicted about in my answer. I had been told that TFA was not what I should currently pursue and I wondered why I had felt so great about pursuing it at first and then when I received the invitation to join the corps I felt like it was not the right decision. I had worried that it might be the fear of the difficult of the task, but I know that is not the case. I know I can accomplish anything if I put my mind to it, but for right now TFA is not the best direction for my life.

I am so grateful for a testimony of the gospel and the knowledge that our Heavenly Father truly guides our lives. He knows who He needs us to be and will guide us on our path to get there. What will come next in my life? I know...but that's another story.