Allowing Others to Change

I love how in my church the members are considered the "experts." Maybe experts isn't really the right word, but it works, I think, because when I say experts I mean that it's not trained clerical leaders that we hear from during our worship services, but regular members. We all have the chance to share what we have learned about the gospel, we all have the chance to teach others.

Today I learned a very important lesson that I have been pondering since I heard it. The Sister who spoke shared an story where she had experiences that helped her to become a different person. She had changed and she was so grateful her family gave her the greatest give they could ever give by allowing her to change, and accepting that change.

"The Past Must NEVER Be Allowed to Hold the Future HOSTAGE." 

- Music and the Spoken Word 12/29/13

How often do we hold others to their "past selves." We come to know people, others come to know us and although in this life we are meant to learn from our experiences we expect people to stay the same.

We expect our little brother to always be lazy. Our grandma to always be judgmental. Our cousin to be mean. Maybe we even expect ourselves to always be the same. We are genuinely shocked when they act out of the norm. And instead of embracing and loving them for that change how often do we harm by reacting negatively and holding them to their old ways.

As I ponder this I wonder if maybe this could be a reason I am afraid to change, or feel like I am unable to change. I think I am afraid that those I care about and love won't accept the "new me."

This one lesson today has brought new meaning to the statement:

We shouldn't be afraid to make those changes we know we need to make just because we are afraid that the change won't be accepted.

I'm grateful for these lessons I can learn. For this new viewpoint because I know I'm going to make a better effort to encourage and accept those around me for the changes they are trying to make!

Decisions

I have felt like my life lately has been at a standstill. I was comfortable where I was, but I knew inside it wasn't the best place for me. I knew that I had not reached a place where I was completely happy. So I took action. I searched for things I might like to pursue, things that would be a challenge, but would bring more joy into my life. 

One of those things was the Teach for America program. It is an extremely prestigious program that accepts approximately 17% of their total applicants each year. Their mission is to eradicate the achievement gap that exists between students coming from low or high income socioeconomic statuses.  After being trained in elementary education I saw first hand the issues that exists in our country's education system and wanted to do something about it. I felt this program might be the best way for me to make a difference. So I applied. I was shocked when I made it past the first and second rounds simultaneously and was asked to attend a final interview. (Another blog post on this might be coming in the future...)

Since I was shocked then you can imagine how flabbergasted I was when I found out I was accepted to teach 6 - 12th grade science in Oklahoma. I couldn't believe they felt like I was among the elite. Among those in our country who have the ability to make a difference in the lives of students who need good teachers the most. I felt so lucky, yet I knew I had a big decision to make. 

Was TFA the right place for me? Was it the good, better or best option for my life? I had to find out. I kept doing research, except now it was more focused. I looked at Oklahoma and what my life might look like if I moved there. I talked to friends and family members. I emailed my brother, Brian, who is currently serving a mission in Moldova. I basically spent the last week and a half thinking about this decision 24/7. It was stressful. It weighted on my mind constantly. 

I found some of the most helpful conversations were ones where people gave me very specific advice. My roommate and her Dad probably gave me the most useful idea. I took to my computer, wrote a very comprehensive Pro and Con list, and looked at my options logically. I then prayed about my decision and felt so confused and conflicted. 

On Monday I received an email from my brother. In the 19+ years we have spent together not once did I ever think he would give me advice. He's the little brother who loves to push my buttons and tease me. But now he's on a mission and the email he sent truly showed just how much of an inspired missionary he has become. He shared a couple quick lines of advice with me and then referred to an article entitled Start Moving.  I cried as I read it because it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. 

I highly suggest reading it! If you don't have time though here is a short summary. It talks about smoke jumpers on a hill who, instead of making a decision when they cannot reach their commander by radio, sit and wait. They wait hours for the signal to improve so they can get their instructions. The signal never improves and when another chief arrives at their location asks why they have not been assisting. The explain they could not get instructions and the chief takes the radio and walks down one path 50 yards and receives a signal loud and clear. He does the same on another path and the same thing happens. The message behind the story is that often in our lives we sit and wait for inspiration on what to do when really we should start moving and then if we are moving down the incorrect path God can reach us, tell us to turn around and try another path. 

This is what I had been conflicted about in my answer. I had been told that TFA was not what I should currently pursue and I wondered why I had felt so great about pursuing it at first and then when I received the invitation to join the corps I felt like it was not the right decision. I had worried that it might be the fear of the difficult of the task, but I know that is not the case. I know I can accomplish anything if I put my mind to it, but for right now TFA is not the best direction for my life.

I am so grateful for a testimony of the gospel and the knowledge that our Heavenly Father truly guides our lives. He knows who He needs us to be and will guide us on our path to get there. What will come next in my life? I know...but that's another story.

Stress & Time

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything."

It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down.

Going Beyond Wonderland

Every year UVU puts on a leadership day for all of the student leaders on campus. As an "advisor" of sorts to my Orientation leader I get to attend as well. It is normally a themed event that gives students a chance to proactively think about what type of leader they will be during the year.

This year the theme is "Going Beyond Wonderland." Everything tied into Alice in Wonderland including the handouts, gifts and speakers! 

The part I want to talk about though was the keynote speaker. This year it was Alexis Jones; media personality, social entrepreneur, and author. She was a celebrity host, competed on the show Survivor, and is now one of the heads of a major non profit organization. The way she told her story and connected it to life made her one of the most inspiring people I have had the opportunity to listen! To document the day here are some of my favorite quotes from her remarks. (each and everyone of these could have a whole blog surrounding them...which in the future they might...but for now...here are the quotes :D)

"The universal bond between all of us is that we all have insecurities and we hold onto them and try to compensate for them." 

"You can make any dream come true if you want it bad enough to make it happen."

"There are a lot of sacrifices we have to make in order for our dreams to come true."

"Confidence is something you can earn daily in the little things you do each day. You find confidence in an others focused life."

LIVE A LIFE OF CONTRIBUTION NOT CONSUMPTION

Believe that your voice matters and do something with it!

"You are a combination of the 5 people you spend the majority of your time with."

"Don't be another dreamer if you can't back it up! Develop the skills you need! Get the education you need!"

"It is not about being fearless it is about being prideless"

"Everyone needs to do something that shatters your idea of impossible."

"If your dreams are accomplishable in your lifetime they are too small! Think Big! Think Long Term"

"Getting told what to do is easy. It is terrifying to think out of the box and dream, but we have to be willing to do it DAILY."

"Take time to slow dance with life. Take time to breathe it in. Take time for yourself."

"Stop waiting for that magical moment! YOU can make it happen!"

NEVER separate yourself from your FAITH. Your faith is what allows you to be vulnerable and REAL with others.

UVU REVIEW covered the event well. Read their story here. 

Faith vs Fear

I haven't been very good at documenting my life recently. In a class today I was again reminded of the importance of capturing our feelings. What you and I are feeling right at this moment we will not remember unless we write it down. I will soon be attempting to play catch up, on my blog at least. Tonight's topic is something I have been thinking about for a while, and wanted to capture it while the emotions are still raw.

I've been through some rough experience in my life. Things that are difficult to understand, and hard to discuss. These experiences have led me to carry a lot of fear. The crippling kind. The kind that leads one to immediately jump to the worst possible scenario when the slightest thing goes amiss. I am no stranger to panic attacks, grief, depression, and sorrow. As hard as I try to deny these emotions, and pretend they don't exist, they are a part of my life. 

The powerful thing I have learned recently is that I do not have to let these emotions have control. I can accept them for what they are, experience them while there are here and then do my best to move forward with faith. Faith and Fear cannot exist in the same place. 

As children we learn the concept of faith is believing without seeing. I was taught about how faith is like a little seed, and if planted it will grow. At that time I connected it to my testimony, but that was it. Never did I realize that as I grew I would come to understand Faith in a more complex light. Faith is not only believing in our Savior, but the hope in a better world. Faith is what we cling to when the world is crumbling around us. Faith can bring hope even in the darkest of times. D&C 6:36 Faith can allow us to live with the knowledge that our lives can change in an instant, but still know that everything will work out in the end. Our lives will be filled with trials and struggles, but God wants us to be able to feel joy and happiness. 

It is our faith in Jesus Christ that sustains us at the crossroads of life’s journey. It is the first principle of the gospel. Without it we will spin our wheels at the intersection, spending our precious time but getting nowhere. It is Christ who offers the invitation to follow Him, to give Him our burden, and to carry His yoke, “for [His] yoke is easy, and [His] burden is light” (Matthew 11:30). - Elder Cook


I have been teaching sunday school in my ward for the past couple months. During my lessons I love to use the videos the church has put on their youtube channel. As I have spend countless hours searching for the perfect video to share I have watched so many videos of people who have gone through heart wrenching trials, but have made it through because they have Faith.

It is not an easy thing to have Faith. We truly have to step into the darkness of the unknown and have hope that we are being guided by an eternal Father in Heaven who had a plan for each of us individually. Our futures are unsure, but He knows what He is doing. This is not an easy thing to remember when we are stricken with Fear, but if we do our best to hold on to Faith we will make it through. 

I had an in depth conversation with a good friend today regarding this topic, and it left me feeling blessed. I am alive today. I have friends and family who love me. I am working a job I love. I have found a passion in life. I have been through Hell and I survived. I am a better, stronger person then I was 5 years ago. I am still not perfect. I need work, but that is why we are here in this life. To learn how to take the situations we are given in life and to make the best of them. I still feel Fear, but I have Faith that I will be able to handle what is yet to come. 

Bridges

The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.  ~David Russell

Roller Coaster

Life is like a roller coaster.

 It’s a different thrill each day
Sometimes it’s up,
Sometimes it’s down.

Twisting and turning
Through thick and thin,
Up and down,
Which way will it go?

People scream, people shout,
Others cry, others laugh.

No matter how hard
This ride seems to be,
You just gotta get through it.
Just have faith in yourself!

Follow the track,
For it will take you home.

Life is like a roller coaster,
It’s the best ride there is.

- Stepfanie McCaffrey

12 for 2012

New Years Resolutions are definitely not something new to me. Every year, whether consciously or not, I come up with some things I want to work on during the year and I do my best to accomplish those things. 

Tonight I was reading through my journal from last year, looking for the day I wrote my list of resolutions, and I couldn't find it. I guess last year I didn't come up with a list. I did find my "focus" for the year, and was glad to see that it had truly been my focus. I wrote "I have had my life slightly at a standstill and this year I want to change that. I want to begin making more progress towards my future." As I look back on where I was a year ago I am definitely no longer at a "standstill." So much has changed in my life, and I can attribute a lot of that change to great family and friends who have helped me to have the courage to change. I feel like I have a more solid direction for my future, and I am excited for the possibilities this year can hold. A good friend once said "Change is hard, but good," and 2011 sure taught me the truth in that statement.

This upcoming year I though it would be fun to have "12" resolutions. The majority of this years resolutions will be a major challenge for me, a step out of my comfort zone, but I am not one to turn down a good challenge!

It's always important to write these resolutions down, so here they are, in no particular order! (All of these have been broken down into more specific steps, but I won't bore you with those :D)

1. Life by Faith not Fear

2. DREAM BIG

3. Document Life

4. Focus on the Positive

5. Speak Now

6. Build Relationships

7. Do What Gives You Joy

8. Follow the Spirit

9. Budget

10. Look for God's Hand

11. Embrace Change

12. Be the Best Me

So here is to a great year! I don't know about you, but I am excited to see what 2012 will bring!
Edit: I think since there are 12 I will focus on one a month!

No Fear in the New Year

As the new year approaches I have been thinking about what it will bring. I will be student teaching for the first semester, and then graduating in April! It seems like yesterday I started school at UVU, and I cannot believe it is almost over. Although so exciting I can't help but wonder what will come next. I have found myself getting nervous, and this morning I received this email in my inbox. I usually delete them or save them to "read later," but today I read it, and I am glad I did. I think this will be my new years resolution. "No Fear in the New Year!"

No Fear in the New Year 

Eleven years ago I looked out into the Atlantic Ocean on New Year’s Day with fear in my heart and uncertainty in my life. I had been fired from a "dot.com" company two weeks earlier with only two weeks of severance, no insurance for my two young children and only two months of savings in the bank. My wife and I had just invested every dollar we had and even took out a second mortgage on our home and $20,000 on a credit card to open what would be the first Moe's Southwest Grill in Florida.

The restaurant was set to open January 13th and we had no earthly idea how we would pay our home mortgage and other bills since I planned on keeping my salary and job while my managers built the restaurant business. Now, it was New Years Day and I had no job, no salary and a restaurant opening that at worst would fail miserably or at best take a year to be profitable.

I thought of all this as I prepared to jump into the icy cold water-to take a symbolic plunge that this would be the year of NO FEAR. Regardless of the circumstances I was facing, this would be the year where I would trust and go for it. This would be the year I would be bold in actions and faith and humble in spirit. No longer could I do it alone. Now I needed a miracle and I decided to act as if my future depended on me and pray like it depended on God.

By jumping into the ocean I was declaring that no longer will I allow fear to cut off the flow of abundant and positive energy in my life. No longer will I allow fear to paralyze me. Instead of fear I would trust.

Now, eleven years later, as I write this I am preparing to jump into the ocean once again on New Year’s Day. It has become my yearly ritual - to remind myself to follow my passion, live life to the fullest, surrender and to stay one step ahead of the fear that hovers around me.

And as I take my leap into the ocean I want to invite you to jump in with me. Perhaps not in the ocean but in the depths of your mind. This jump doesn't necessarily require water but rather a leap of faith in your belief system and a shift in your mindset. The antidote to fear is trust and it is only a thought away.

No one is going to push you over the chasm of struggle to the life that you want. God will nudge you but you must take the leap. You must make this jump in your mind and then with your actions. You must make this jump with trust, determination and faith. After all, they don't call it a leap of fear. They call it a "leap of faith" for a reason.

You will always feel fear. Everyone will. But your trust must be bigger than your fear. The bigger your trust the smaller your fear becomes. And the more you trust the more you become a conduit for miracles. I know. A consulting project presented itself out the blue and we were able to pay our mortgage. A check came in the mail, the right opportunities came our way and somehow, some way my family and I were carried. A year after the restaurant opened I started this newsletter which eventually lead to me writing books, speaking and doing the work I do now.

I know that 2011 was not a great year for many people but I believe New Year’s Day represents a fresh start and it presents a new opportunity to create the life and career you want. All you have to do is jump in with all that you are and all that you wish to become.

Jon Gordon (Author, Motivational Speaker)