Allowing Others to Change

I love how in my church the members are considered the "experts." Maybe experts isn't really the right word, but it works, I think, because when I say experts I mean that it's not trained clerical leaders that we hear from during our worship services, but regular members. We all have the chance to share what we have learned about the gospel, we all have the chance to teach others.

Today I learned a very important lesson that I have been pondering since I heard it. The Sister who spoke shared an story where she had experiences that helped her to become a different person. She had changed and she was so grateful her family gave her the greatest give they could ever give by allowing her to change, and accepting that change.

"The Past Must NEVER Be Allowed to Hold the Future HOSTAGE." 

- Music and the Spoken Word 12/29/13

How often do we hold others to their "past selves." We come to know people, others come to know us and although in this life we are meant to learn from our experiences we expect people to stay the same.

We expect our little brother to always be lazy. Our grandma to always be judgmental. Our cousin to be mean. Maybe we even expect ourselves to always be the same. We are genuinely shocked when they act out of the norm. And instead of embracing and loving them for that change how often do we harm by reacting negatively and holding them to their old ways.

As I ponder this I wonder if maybe this could be a reason I am afraid to change, or feel like I am unable to change. I think I am afraid that those I care about and love won't accept the "new me."

This one lesson today has brought new meaning to the statement:

We shouldn't be afraid to make those changes we know we need to make just because we are afraid that the change won't be accepted.

I'm grateful for these lessons I can learn. For this new viewpoint because I know I'm going to make a better effort to encourage and accept those around me for the changes they are trying to make!

Decisions

I have felt like my life lately has been at a standstill. I was comfortable where I was, but I knew inside it wasn't the best place for me. I knew that I had not reached a place where I was completely happy. So I took action. I searched for things I might like to pursue, things that would be a challenge, but would bring more joy into my life. 

One of those things was the Teach for America program. It is an extremely prestigious program that accepts approximately 17% of their total applicants each year. Their mission is to eradicate the achievement gap that exists between students coming from low or high income socioeconomic statuses.  After being trained in elementary education I saw first hand the issues that exists in our country's education system and wanted to do something about it. I felt this program might be the best way for me to make a difference. So I applied. I was shocked when I made it past the first and second rounds simultaneously and was asked to attend a final interview. (Another blog post on this might be coming in the future...)

Since I was shocked then you can imagine how flabbergasted I was when I found out I was accepted to teach 6 - 12th grade science in Oklahoma. I couldn't believe they felt like I was among the elite. Among those in our country who have the ability to make a difference in the lives of students who need good teachers the most. I felt so lucky, yet I knew I had a big decision to make. 

Was TFA the right place for me? Was it the good, better or best option for my life? I had to find out. I kept doing research, except now it was more focused. I looked at Oklahoma and what my life might look like if I moved there. I talked to friends and family members. I emailed my brother, Brian, who is currently serving a mission in Moldova. I basically spent the last week and a half thinking about this decision 24/7. It was stressful. It weighted on my mind constantly. 

I found some of the most helpful conversations were ones where people gave me very specific advice. My roommate and her Dad probably gave me the most useful idea. I took to my computer, wrote a very comprehensive Pro and Con list, and looked at my options logically. I then prayed about my decision and felt so confused and conflicted. 

On Monday I received an email from my brother. In the 19+ years we have spent together not once did I ever think he would give me advice. He's the little brother who loves to push my buttons and tease me. But now he's on a mission and the email he sent truly showed just how much of an inspired missionary he has become. He shared a couple quick lines of advice with me and then referred to an article entitled Start Moving.  I cried as I read it because it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. 

I highly suggest reading it! If you don't have time though here is a short summary. It talks about smoke jumpers on a hill who, instead of making a decision when they cannot reach their commander by radio, sit and wait. They wait hours for the signal to improve so they can get their instructions. The signal never improves and when another chief arrives at their location asks why they have not been assisting. The explain they could not get instructions and the chief takes the radio and walks down one path 50 yards and receives a signal loud and clear. He does the same on another path and the same thing happens. The message behind the story is that often in our lives we sit and wait for inspiration on what to do when really we should start moving and then if we are moving down the incorrect path God can reach us, tell us to turn around and try another path. 

This is what I had been conflicted about in my answer. I had been told that TFA was not what I should currently pursue and I wondered why I had felt so great about pursuing it at first and then when I received the invitation to join the corps I felt like it was not the right decision. I had worried that it might be the fear of the difficult of the task, but I know that is not the case. I know I can accomplish anything if I put my mind to it, but for right now TFA is not the best direction for my life.

I am so grateful for a testimony of the gospel and the knowledge that our Heavenly Father truly guides our lives. He knows who He needs us to be and will guide us on our path to get there. What will come next in my life? I know...but that's another story.

Hawaii Day 4

You can imagine how trilled we were to see some blue sky today after two days of so many clouds and so much wind! It looked like perfect weather for our planned adventures :)

We took a different route to the north shore today! I was so glad we did! We got to see some cool vegetation and even stopped for a quick dole whip at the Dole Plantation! 

We found this pond full of fish at the Dole Plantation. Heidi and I decided it would be fun to feed them...No...So....GROSS! Take the fish in you can see in the water and multiply them by 100 and you will get amount of fish that fight their way to the top when food comes. My dad got a video on his phone and when I get those pictures I'll post the video. So disgusting!

It was cool to see how the pineapples grow! They had all different types in their garden :) If you ever decide to go to the Dole Plantation...don't buy anything but a dole whip. You can walk around their little garden for free. No need to pay for the other stuff!

 These are Coffee Trees I believe :D Such a cool farm!

We went on an hour Kayak trip in Haleiwa! I think it was one of my favorite parts of the trip! We didn't have a water proof camera so we didn't get any pictures!! The ones below are courtesy of google!

We saw at least 15 turtles one our trip! We were the only group in the area of the river we were at and it  was soooooo cool!!! The turtles got so close to our kayaks and we also saw a bunch just hanging out on the side of the river! Definitely worth the trip!

We went under this bridge! :D I didn't know at the time but I guess it is a historic Rainbow Bridge :)

This is pretty much what it looked like while we were traveling down! :D Just imagine a turtle popping its head out for a breather while you are paddling down this river! So pretty!

We accomplished one of Heid's goals this day too! DELICIOUS SHAVED ICE!! I got the Haleiwa special and man was it so good!!! I've never had smoother, melt in your mouth ice! A perfect treat after a kayak trip. :) Especially when you are a little sunburned and sore...

We decided to be nice kids and let Dad golf at Turtle Bay while we hung out on the beach. It was pretty chilly and windy so we didn't spend any time getting in the water.  Yet again the waves were quite large! It was so fun watching the surfers to navigate the waters.

We sat and watched the waves for a while from this picturesque spot!  

 We found these two little guys while walking around the resort...I'm guessing their job is to keep the mouse population to a minimum. 

 Sunset on Turtle Bay... nothing can really compare.

 Can you see the crabs in the pictures below??? Matt has a great eye and luckily spotted these before his "not so smart sister stepped on one!!

 I LOVED the sunset this night!! I took a thousand pictures so it was hard to decide what pictures to post it was so gorgeous!!

 After a few hours at Turtle bay we stopped at the Oahu Temple on our way back to our condo. We didn't get there soon enough to go inside, but enjoyed taking pictures on the temple grounds. Such a pretty temple! Who knows maybe I will get married there someday??

Faith vs Fear

I haven't been very good at documenting my life recently. In a class today I was again reminded of the importance of capturing our feelings. What you and I are feeling right at this moment we will not remember unless we write it down. I will soon be attempting to play catch up, on my blog at least. Tonight's topic is something I have been thinking about for a while, and wanted to capture it while the emotions are still raw.

I've been through some rough experience in my life. Things that are difficult to understand, and hard to discuss. These experiences have led me to carry a lot of fear. The crippling kind. The kind that leads one to immediately jump to the worst possible scenario when the slightest thing goes amiss. I am no stranger to panic attacks, grief, depression, and sorrow. As hard as I try to deny these emotions, and pretend they don't exist, they are a part of my life. 

The powerful thing I have learned recently is that I do not have to let these emotions have control. I can accept them for what they are, experience them while there are here and then do my best to move forward with faith. Faith and Fear cannot exist in the same place. 

As children we learn the concept of faith is believing without seeing. I was taught about how faith is like a little seed, and if planted it will grow. At that time I connected it to my testimony, but that was it. Never did I realize that as I grew I would come to understand Faith in a more complex light. Faith is not only believing in our Savior, but the hope in a better world. Faith is what we cling to when the world is crumbling around us. Faith can bring hope even in the darkest of times. D&C 6:36 Faith can allow us to live with the knowledge that our lives can change in an instant, but still know that everything will work out in the end. Our lives will be filled with trials and struggles, but God wants us to be able to feel joy and happiness. 

It is our faith in Jesus Christ that sustains us at the crossroads of life’s journey. It is the first principle of the gospel. Without it we will spin our wheels at the intersection, spending our precious time but getting nowhere. It is Christ who offers the invitation to follow Him, to give Him our burden, and to carry His yoke, “for [His] yoke is easy, and [His] burden is light” (Matthew 11:30). - Elder Cook


I have been teaching sunday school in my ward for the past couple months. During my lessons I love to use the videos the church has put on their youtube channel. As I have spend countless hours searching for the perfect video to share I have watched so many videos of people who have gone through heart wrenching trials, but have made it through because they have Faith.

It is not an easy thing to have Faith. We truly have to step into the darkness of the unknown and have hope that we are being guided by an eternal Father in Heaven who had a plan for each of us individually. Our futures are unsure, but He knows what He is doing. This is not an easy thing to remember when we are stricken with Fear, but if we do our best to hold on to Faith we will make it through. 

I had an in depth conversation with a good friend today regarding this topic, and it left me feeling blessed. I am alive today. I have friends and family who love me. I am working a job I love. I have found a passion in life. I have been through Hell and I survived. I am a better, stronger person then I was 5 years ago. I am still not perfect. I need work, but that is why we are here in this life. To learn how to take the situations we are given in life and to make the best of them. I still feel Fear, but I have Faith that I will be able to handle what is yet to come.