This is Me!

I used to believe that I didn't know who I was. I distinctly remember that this thought first came when I was watching a Julia Roberts movie...I think it was Runaway Bride, but I'm not sure. She gets into these relationships with guys and becomes who SHE thinks they want her to be. This is discovered when she realizes that she doesn't know what kind of eggs she likes to eat. She doesn't know if she is a sunny side up, over easy, hard, boiled, etc, egg kind of person. So she goes and tries them all. For the record I am not really an egg person. I'll eat them, but I don't love them. :)

After watching this at the time I realized I was a lot like this character. When I met people I became the person who I THOUGHT they wanted me to be. It's taken me a long LONG time to realize that people just want me to be me. But who am I? That was/kinda still is the question of the day.

I've been pondering this for the better part of a year now, and I have come to the conclusion that I know who I am I just have a hard time accepting it. So here is a list of things you may or may not know about me. Who I am today.

1. I am a writer. I love to express myself in writing. I feel like I am truest to myself when I am writing. I LOVE writing notes and cards to people, but have a hard time writing letters. I feel like letters are final.

2. I am inspired by people who know exactly what they want in life and go for it!

3. I am a listener. I love listening to people talk. I think this comes from growing up being the oldest. Oldest kid in my family, and oldest cousin on my mom's side of my family. At the time the other kids couldn't really communicate so I would sit and listen to the adults. I was always fascinated by what they were thinking and talking about. I remember sitting for hours at the "grown up table" after dinner listening to my aunts and uncles laugh and talk.

4. I don't love to talk, I have a hard time expressing my feelings, but I like to be heard. But first I have to feel safe before I can let myself be heard.

5. I HATE saying goodbye to people. I used to cry for hours every time I had to say goodbye to someone I loved. Whether that was my parents leaving on a trip, or my cousins going back to Oregon it didn't matter. I would cry. I then realized that I could just say "see ya later," and focus on the next time I would get to see that person. That helped. But sometimes I still cry.

6. I am a leader. I love feeling like I am a part of something bigger. I need to feel important, validated and needed.

7.  I am a hypochondriac.

8. I am passionate. I love and care about other people deeply and intensely, but it is hard for me to express how much I care. Often because of that I can get easily hurt.

9. I am a morning person. My favorite time of day is in the morning when I know I am the only person awake. I love the stillness at that time. It is when I do my best thinking.

10. I am not into fashion. I like to look good and feel "cool," but it doesn't matter to me if what I am wearing is fashionable or not. I'd rather be comfortable. (speaking of cool I am currently wearing a couple friendship bracelets I made with my cousins and those, ya, they make me feel cool :D)

11. I am kind. I love doing things for other people. I like doing the dishes when I know it's not my turn. I love cleaning if I think it will make someone else happy.

12. I am selfless. I don't do a lot of things for myself, and that doesn't bother me. I'd much rather spend my time doing something that I know will put a smile on someone's face because when they smile it makes me smile.

13. I am logical. I love to organize things. I love to put things in a logical order. I realize that a lot of the time "logical" to me is not logical to someone else. I especially love to organize stuff that is colorful. (this is not mine. Thank you pinterest)

14. I am easily confused. I don't like texting or communicating over chats because I have a hard time grasping the tone of voice. To aid in this problem I try to use emoticons to help those I am texting. :) :S :D :( :P All these things have meaning when I use them in conversations.

15. I LOVE LOVE LOVE accents. It doesn't matter where it's from. If someone has any type of an accent I could sit and listen to them talk all day.

16. I am hard on myself. I have high standards and I don't always meet them. I have a hard time forgiving myself. It is something I am trying to change and accept it is a work in progress.

17. I dream of making a difference in the world, but don't know how to do it.

18. I am a kid at heart. I love spending time with little kids, especially my cousins. They love you and accept you no matter what. I love exploring and experiencing the world with them. I love listening to them talk. I love making them feel special. I remember looking up to adults as a kid and wishing I could be a part of them. It is for this reason I do my best to include the kids. To me there is nothing better than seeing them smile or hearing their laugh.

19.  I am a historian. I love taking pictures. I love capturing a special moment in time. Those moments that will never happen again. I love writing in my journal and blogging because I know these things are history.

20. I am a musician. I love to sing and feel the emotions that come through music. My favorite singing time is when I am alone in the car. :D I love playing the piano but can never play the way I feel so I don't play often. This is why I love listing to other people express themselves through music. My little brother especially. Below is a clip of him playing before he left on his mission:


21. I am a creator. I love to paint and draw. I like crafts. I love to make posters and slideshows. I like designing especially when it is for someone else. I love the challenge of taking their vision and creating something with it.

22. I am bashful. I am shy. I get embarrassed easily especially by the things I do and say. I am awkward and awkward is awesome.

23. I decided to stop at 23 because I love math and numbers. 23 is an important number right now because I am currently 23 years old right now. :)

So here they are. 23 things about me. This is in no way all inclusive. You can't put a person into a blog. People are complex. People are fascinating. People are ever changing and evolving.